Categories
Treatment

Life

Life, in other words, is being made a condition of nonautism. And while life is always life, the condition of ‘life with’ autism comes to be immediately understood as a life that bears the origin of its own undoing. It is a life under threat and so is no kind of life at all. […] How, in other words, can advocacy live anything other than a (good, neoliberal, and necessarily nonautistic) life of fighting for – and so securing, attaining, recovering – the vital being of nonautism? How, when any alternative to the nonautistic life is so carefully and so thoroughly framed as not life at all?

Anne McGuire

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I interfere because I think you, and people like you, will benefit from hearing the perspective of the receiving end of those therapies and treatments. Because I think you should know red flags of abusive treatments. Because I think that you should be thinking about risks versus benefits, and what kinds of “benefits” are benefits you actually want, and what kinds of risks you’re willing to tolerate for what kinds of benefits.

I don’t want to call all the shots in your parent-child relationship. I want you to listen to those with relevant experiences – to me, to other autistic people, etc – and to think about what you’re doing. I want you to think about the potential consequences, about what’s best for your kid, and what is a true deal-breaker for you.

I want your generation to avoid making the same mistakes with your kids that my parents’ generation made with me. I want you to learn from their mistakes without having to repeat them yourself, and to make the best possible decisions for your kid.

And that’s why I “interfere.”

ischemgeek

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What is problematic in the drive for medical cure is its narrow, simple focus on the gains and benefits that cure may bring, disregarding its associated harms, risks, and disenabling effects.

It also closes off ways to support, in the present, ‘un-treated’ and ‘incurable’ lives, that is, people who have a disability or an illness, as well as people who refuse or cannot afford treatments. When bodies are pronounced ‘incurable,’ they are read as being in a condition of a ‘nonlife’ – without a future and denied meaning in the present. At the same time, cure denies a place for disability and illness as different ways of existing in the present. Cure discourses and imagery operate in political, moral, economic, and emotional realms that go beyond individual medical treatments and personal desires for remedy.

An emphasis on cure as the only path forward is damaging, because it obscures the fact that cure is always a multifaceted negotiation, often enabling and disabling at the same time, and may be accompanied by pain, loss, or death.

For many, cure demands that we suspend our living in the present and instead wait for a future without disabilities and illnesses, urging us to not live in the present.

Alison Kafer calls this temporal framing ‘curative time’:

“In our disabled state, we are not part of the dominant narratives of progress, but once rehabilitated, normalized, and hopefully cured, we play a starring role: the sign of progress, the proof of development, the triumph over the mind or body.”

[…]

Set against the impossibility of inhabiting the present, the promised transformation through cure is enticing enough to make losses and hastened death acceptable, even expected.

Kafer continues,

Within this frame of curative time, then, the only appropriate disabled mind/body is one cured or moving toward cure. Cure, in this context, most obviously signals the elimination of impairment but can also mean normalizing treatments that work to assimilate the disabled mind/body as much as possible.”

The curative drive also demands an approximation of normality through ‘habilitation’ (the acquisition of skills and abilities) and ‘rehabilitation’ (the regaining of skills and abilities that have been lost or impaired).

Eunjung Kim

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Categories
Treatment

Own world

Learning to communicate is really hard, even for typically developing kids. […]

Disabled kids need *more* exposure to adults who want to listen to them, and *more* support in understanding their feelings – but they often get less of both. […]

All too often, kids with disabilities learn young that no one wants to listen to them. They often try their best to communicate, only to have their attempts interpreted as random meaningless noise or deviant misbehavior.

Ruti Regan

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Here’s the thing: I engage with [Tangles]. I don’t just talk around her or at her or even to her (although I do all those things at times)… I converse with her. [Rhythm and I] hold conversations in patterns of interactions in nonverbal ways […] We share attention and direct each other’s attention to things – feeling textures or watching patterns or listening to sounds together.

These things are interactions, and without them they have no reason to even TRY communicating with me.

Parents often speak of their autistic children as being “in their own world” – but all children are. The difference is that for NT kids there are standardized bridges into their worlds.

Restless Hands

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Categories
Spotlight

Truth Beacon – Advocacy

“Shut up and listen to marginalized people” isn’t quite the right rule […] We need to do better by each other, and start listening for real.

Ruti Regan

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[…] The whole thing is set up in a way where the only way to move forward is to find something to oppose and devour. There is never a point where the way you do things is good enough. You have to find more and more words and ideas to oppose. Words and ideas that mark who is in the know, and who is bad. These things constantly change.

[…]

Within this culture, you stop noticing your surroundings. Instead, you see a network of lines representing various power dynamics, bad words and ideas, good words and ideas, and the way this community responds to them. You stop being able to see that this is not the only way to respond to injustice.

Mel Baggs

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[It’s possible that one who] outwardly celebrates the diversity in labels, doesn’t necessarily celebrate the diversity of thought – not seeming to grasp that the two by necessity has to go together. A group of diverse people would take different routes to achieve a purpose. They would have different ideas on how to do it, when to do it.

potteresque-ire

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[…] Autonomy as a value of deliberative democracy is contested by non-disabled family members who advocate with their disabled family members in order to portray the interdependency of their interests. Charlie’s experience thus gives new meaning to the value of reciprocity in deliberative democratic theory, moving it away from mutual competence towards mutual dependence.

Stacy Clifford

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People everywhere, every day are trying to navigate {many} kinds of dilemmas, and {some of the time} are doing so in a culture that refuses to discuss {them}.

Partial quote, Sarah K Reece

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When new ideas emerge in society there is usually discussion about them. It’s a sound general principle –  the best way to evaluate new ideas is to explore them critically and freely.

{Plenty of} issues […] are of importance to society as a whole. […] Surely we can agree that {people, especially the referred groups} should have the right to discuss it?

This must be done in an atmosphere of mutual respect in which anyone is free to critically discuss anything they wish, using whatever (respectful) terminology they choose.

The underlying issues, {redefinitions, and introduction of new concepts} must be seen for what they are: nobody’s exclusive property.

Partial quote, Jonathan Best

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In the same series:

Categories
Positions

Acceptance

Major concept: Neurodiversity

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Kindness without respect is worthless

Erin Human

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Just like you shouldn’t force people to be proud of their autism, you shouldn’t force people to be ashamed of it either.

2Pacula_Was_Taken

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Now if we could only get the rest of the world to calm down and not stereotype [my son], we might get some serious quality of life improvements and more stress-free community inclusion going forward.

Mrs. Kerima Çevik

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Acceptance is not
giving up […]
doing nothing […]
what happens after you’ve fixed someone to your liking
[or] throwing away all rules, manners, education, skills and coping strategies.

Cynthia Kim

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Neurodiversity isn’t about pretending that autism, other developmental disabilities and psychiatric disabilities are all sunshine and rainbows. It’s about believing that we should be able to live our lives on our own terms and that our community should continue to exist, and doing whatever we can to make sure that happens.

Shain M. Neumeier

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Most parents are scared, insecure, unsupported and exhausted. […]

As autistic adults, we say that we are the real experts on autism by virtue of our lived experience. By the same logic, you can’t claim to be an expert on parenting if you’re not a parent. […]

Parents, in turn, don’t always listen to autistic adults as much as they should and thereby miss out on some very valuable insights.

Maura Campbell

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Growing up autistic in a world made for non-autistic minds is difficult. Then again, so is growing up lefty in a world made for righties.

It’s not better or worse – just different. Families with lefties, women, people of color, LGBQT, and kids with disabilities love each other exactly as they are and wouldn’t trade them for a child who has an easier path ahead. Raising a child on the autism spectrum has its challenges, but so does raising any child. All of us will have our obstacles.

Ashia Ray

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I come down, on the whole, firmly on the side of the self-advocates; I think it is critical to listen carefully to what any marginalized community says about their own experiences.

At the same time, I think they sometimes forget that many parents do not have the tools or the ability to build a fully autism-friendly life for their children, and that some compromises simply have to be made (as much as I hate them) at this point, in order for an autistic child to be integrated into our terribly narrow-minded society. […]

Restless Hands

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When parents like me talk about our kids with disabilities and intense support needs, we have to be thoughtful. We need to make it quite clear that our kids are much-loved and very awesome human beings. We should never, ever state or imply that any challenges we face as a parent are our children’s fault. We need to handle their privacy with delicacy. And we shouldn’t accidentally enable disrespect towards children who are already too-frequent magnets for morbid fascination, and pity.

But we do need to talk, because our parenting gig is not like other parenting gigs. It just isn’t. We, our kids, and our families need different supports than families whose kids don’t have disabilities, and we often need a lot of them. Sometimes we’re not always sure where to find those supports, or even aware of available supports; sometimes we’re ashamed to pursue the supports we and our kids need. And not having the supports we need for the best quality of life possible can lead to unnecessary hardship for everyone involved.

So, let’s talk about what parents like us need, and especially how to get what we need. But first, I need to be forthright on one matter: In no way does lack of services excuse harming our children. Ever. […]

Shannon Des Roches Rosa

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You are right; we cannot make your autistic loved one non-disabled. But we can help make a future that has room for people like your child in it, complete with the rights, the access, and the supports they need to live their fullest life. We think that that is doable. We think that that is right.

Yes, autistic lives are different. Yes, they are often hard. No, they will not look like the lives of non-disabled people.

We just don’t think that that makes disabled lives wrong.

Emily Paige Ballou 

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For seven years, we’ve been drowning. And since autism is synonymous with all things good, acceptable, and neurodiverse in this world, and since all kids with autism are simply wired differently, and since doctors who say otherwise are quacks, and since parents who think otherwise are in denial or worse, we’ve been forced to remain silent about our pain and our reality.

For seven years, the autism label slapped on my son’s medical condition has given doctors a reason to dismiss his suffering, friends a reason to be angered by our failure to show up at important events, and family members a reason to question our sanity and criticize our parenting skills.

My son’s autism label gave us a reason to just shut up. Even in our darkest moments, we reported our family was ‘fine, thanks.’ We trudged forward, shamed into silence. To say we did not accept our son’s assignment to autism as his destiny, that we were searching for a Get Out of Autism Jail Free card, would have been perceived in the same manner as if we were to say we did not love our son. That he was intrinsically bad, and wrong, and not what we had hoped for.

Ashlyn Washington

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